Monday, September 22, 2008

I feel like I have let my family down

Well, after battling ovarian cancer for almost 3 years and being cancer free for 2 1/2, I really thought that would be my biggest challenge.
But here I am 25 years old and have only had 1 complete pregnancy. I have lost 6 other babies, 1 being a set of twins and it has all happened since Charlie was born.
So, now after trying for another child for so long, I had to finally start fertility testing. I got tested, Tyler got tested, and we are both fine. So, basically I have Unknown Infertility, or Secondary Infertility.
Now I am taking fertility drugs, and this was my first month on them and no such luck. I just don't know how much more I can take.
I mean I am 25 years old! I should be able to spit kids out like a pez dispenser. If nothing happens by the first of the year I will be going to the fertility clinic in Little Rock. I am really hoping that it doesn't get that far.
I feel like I have let down both Tyler and Charlie. Tyler and I have always wanted at least 2 kids and Charlie has been asking to be a big brother for well over a year. And here I can't give them that. What is wrong with me? I mean my doctors all believe that I should still be able to have kids despite the cancer, but for some reasoning it just isn't happening.
So, I figure I will keep going with the meds, and make a decision about the clinic if/when that time comes.
I just hope I haven't gone through all of this for nothing.

Monday, September 15, 2008

All I can do is shake my head

Ok, I had some idea as to what I was signing up for when I married Tyler. The military life, which meant that things were done the military way. And in 5+ years of marriage I have seen things that just make my jaw hit the floor. I have watched people lie, trick and be down right cruel to others in the service. I always thought the same thing, and these are the people who are supposed to protect and serve the American people.
But despite all of that I could get over it, put it behind me... and the main reason for that was because it didn't directly affect me or my family. Sure there have been some things, but in the end it was something that would pass quickly.
As of this weekend, I watched Tyler go through something that made me sad, and ashamed to be a military wife. I know as well as the next military wife that the motto of the Armed Forces is 'Hurry Up and Wait'. And let me tell you, that couldn't be more true.
Back in April Tyler decided that he would see about getting to the Air Force base in Little Rock. Traveling 50 minutes would be much better than driving the 2+ hours he has been driving to Fort Smith. So, after backdoor deals were made and promises were given they didn't give the open position to Tyler, they would rather give it to some newbie fresh out of high school. Which makes no sense what-so-ever, but hey what do I know.
So, after weighing the Pros and Cons of everything I convinced him to contact an Army recruiter to see what it would take to switch over to the Army Guard.
We ended up with a great recruiter... really the best. He said we needed to have a form signed and that would be that.
In July Tyler took this form to his commanders at Fort Smith and they told him he would have to go through this entire process of writing a request, that the request would have to be sent up the chain of command and finally to LR (little rock) for approval.
No biggie is what we thought. Boy were we wrong.
First they lost it when they were supposed to walk it across the hall (still trying to figure out how thats even possible), then they said Tyler didn't sign it, (I watched him do so), then they said they would mail it out, (that took 3 weeks), then once we finally got it, someone has changed it so we then had to have someone on the base correct things and wait for them to fax it back to us. After all that was FINALLY said and done, Tyler got a phone call from his shop chief saying, "Tyler your paperwork was approved, your checklist is waiting for you whenever you want to outprocess."
Well Tyler is no idiot, he knows that if he were to go during any time other than a drill weekend that he would be taking a risk of over half the people not being there, so he decided to wait until Septembers drill... AKA this past weekend.
We are both 100% excited and very ready to do this. It was like he was always meant to be an Army man, and he just took the long road to get there.
So, he arrives to the base at 7:30 Saturday morning and was told go outproccess. And he spent the whole day getting his ducks in a row, with just a couple of things he would have to wait and do till Sunday.
But instead of Sunday being a day to celebrate, that was when the dark cloud fell over his head and let out the BOOM!!!
He gets up to his commanders office to get his signature on his checklist when he informs Tyler that the paperwork was NEVER sent off of the base for approval! That Tyler was still a part of that base and he was not supposed to outprocess. Tyler then in turn explains EVERYTHING he was told etc.
Well, now he can't work on the base because of the fact he outprocessed. But since the paperwork was never sent to LR for approval he still has to report to the base for duty until something changes. So basically he will drive 2+ hours to just sit on his butt because he can't work... and at the end of the weekend he will drive the 2+ hours back home.
I couldn't believe that so many people had lied to him in telling him that his paperwork was approved and that he was supposed to outprocess. This whole thing has turned into such a mess!
So, hopefully someone can get this fixed and Tyler can be done working with idiots like that. Its like I said... and these are the SAME people who are supposed to protect our country and the American people... YEP I feel safe!

New to this

Well, I have seen so many of my friends start one of these and I figure... why not. I love to write and it will be a great way to keep everyone in the loop as to whats going on without having to send a million emails or make a hundred phone calls.
With that being said, keep your eyes posted kiddos, because lots of new and exciting things have been going on in the Lutz household and I have tons to share with all of you!